Captain, Captain, I don’t know where we are



“Captain, please come to the bridge. I’m not sure where the border is.”

“WTF? What are you talking about?”

“Captain, I am serious. We’ve had a Ephemeris error. Or a Propagation delay error. Or maybe there are bubbles in the compass. I’m not sure!”

“Are you sure the helmsman didn’t just stay on autopilot too long? You know that is a warning in navigational school!”

Navigator stared at his feet glumly. The Captain tried to determine the underlying problem.

“Are you suffering information overload? Did you become too dependent on the electronic display and neglect your duty to maintain a proper look-out?”

” I don’t think so”, replied the hapless navigator.

The Captain continued, “Morrison has ordered us to go as close as possible. The DGPS is accurate to within 5 metres, but you know that by the time the land station processes all the satellite information we have already passed the location!”

“Maybe there has been a computer error?” the Navigator responded hopefully.

“Possible”, replied the Captain, “Back to basics, then, where is the sextant and the charts?”

The Navigator hunted frantically for the sextant and finally located it under the pile of charts in the bottom drawer.

“Oh, no! The eyepiece is broken!”

The Captain stared out over the vast ocean before him.

“The problem here, son, is this. There is no damn line painted in the ocean!”

And so it was Australia upset Indonesia. Or so Morrison would have us believe.

Is the current Australian mantra, “It’s life, Scott, but not as we know it, not as we know it”?

Nautical terminology stolen from www.geeksoc.org

For overseas readers needing context, Australia strayed into another nation’s territory. In warships. Several times.

8 comments on “Captain, Captain, I don’t know where we are

  1. […] necessary force to defend peace; That would be why we crossed into a neighbouring nation’s territorial waters, I suppose, several times! Didn’t take long to tell Russia to “back off” though. […]


  2. […] finally I get to the surgery today after my GPS got me lost (no I am not in the Navy) and his offices are in a mobile phone black spot. So I waited for an hour with no […]


  3. […] top of this we have the accidental/deliberate/mistaken (choose whichever word floats your boat) incursion into Indonesia territorial waters by Australia. […]


  4. Nemo, can I call you Captain? Not sure where you are at the moment either.
    Would you please clarify.
    Why do we have to pack & quit our properties by the way. Think you have been fed a lot of b******t propaganda over the years with people wanting a new place to live.
    They actually produce income, pay taxes etc. Country areas would actually welcome these new people into their communities so that their towns can stay viable & alive.
    Think you might need to start using your compass (moral that is).

    Love the article by the way Robyn. If Morrison thinks that he can lie his way out of this one he has another think coming. What a stupid human being he is!


  5. A hundred Pakastani & Bangadeshi illegal immigrants have landed in Australia and have been allocated your house.
    You have one day to pack and quit your property.


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