I really don’t get the problem with all this asylum seeker nonsense. The solution is simple and we don’t even have to go and capture or buy them from West Africa like the Americans did back in the day. They come to us for free! In fact, some even pay smugglers to get here, so why turn them away?
Look, it worked for England and America and a few other countries: they built great economies on the backs of the slaves. Politicians are always saying we need to improve our productivity: what better way than not having to pay for labour!
Instead of paying billions to send these obviously fit and able-bodied non-whites to PNG, why not put them to work? Everyone wins! The asylum seekers get a safe haven and Australia gets a productivity increase!
Some basic slave protections will be needed, to at least look as if we are being humanitarian. The following are a few suggestions:
- Slave owners must provide a minimum of two meals a day
- Slaves must be provided with at least four changes of clothes and a set of “Sunday best” for church – we are a Christian country after all
- Children under 10 must not work more than four hours a day
- Medical care will be provided by the Commonwealth at a reduced cost to slave owners
- English language tuition to be provided each day after the sun has gone down
- Housing must meet legislated minimums
- Slaves will be entitled to one labour free day a week and two weeks rest per year
- Occupational Health & Safety regulations and legislation must be complied with as for paid labour
- There will be no corporal punishment (we have advanced slightly since the 1600s)
The slaves will be allowed freedom of movement on their days off (but they won’t be able to afford it, so there’ll be no eloping with the slave from the plantation down the road).
The Liberals think this is a fine idea, they just have to figure out how to get bi-partsan support from the ALP. Don’t think it will be a problem, given the policies of the two parties are so close already.
The UNHRC may pose a slight problem, but really, there is not a lot the UN can do and it might be such a successful innovation other nations could seek to adopt the scheme.
Administratively, the scheme shouldn’t be too difficult to set up. I suggest Australian citizens wishing to become slave owners would need to lodge an appropriate licence application and pay a non-refundable fee of $5,000. The fee would be used to fund the processing of the application, establish the slave owners’ register and establish the inspectors. Inspectors would be required to ensure the slaves were being housed and kept in compliance with the regulations.
David offers a more complex solution if you want options! A Modest Proposal Concerning Refugees and Other Unfortunates Adrift
- Black History Month – Ex-Slave Writers (ool.co.uk)
- United Nations smacks Australia’s asylum seeker policies (teamoyeniyi.com)