Parenting 101 or This is the Boringest day of my life!
So you have a cute little baby. So sweet!!! Despite what you may think at 2 am when you are awoken from your delicious, longed-for slumber by the dulcet tones of a scream to be fed, this baby is quiet in a way you will appreciate by the time that little bundle of joy turns into a 10 year-old with verbal dysentery.
Tuesday morning involved a trip to the dentist for Miss O 2, a young lady who recently achieved the status of a double-digit age.
The plan was come to work with me, we’d park the car, jump the tram to the dentist, come back, get the car and I’d drop her off at school, then back to work.
Now, she was quiet in the car on the inbound journey, but after that?
“Mum, your office is very rough!” rough = messy
“Thanks, dear, nice of you to tell me.” Like I don’t already know.
“Mum, can’t we go now? I thought we were going straight!”
“In a minute.” We’d been in my office a whole 5 minutes.
The tram trip, travelling in a sardine can, relieved the boredom, but once in the dentist’s surgery waiting our turn it was a different matter.
“Can I play a game on your phone? I’m bored.”
“No, you can’t. Read a magazine. I’m not bored.“
“You aren’t bored because you have your phone to play with. When is Daddy giving me his phone? This is boring.”
“You need to learn patience.”
“I am only patient in class when I have to wait for the teacher.”
“I wish I had a phone to play with.”
She digs in my handbag, lawd knows what for. “No offence, Mummy, but your bag is very rough.” Try looking in her cupboards!!!
“Messy, dear, not rough; messy.”
Etc etc etc
When we were leaving we had to wait for our tram number to come along.
“This tram is going to take 80 years to come.”
“I feel as if that building is going to fall on top of me.”
“When is the tram coming? This is the boringest day of my life.”
“This is the boringest day of my LIFE!”
“Can you lend me $2? I’m hungry.”
“Didn’t you have breakfast?”
“No, I was too busy making my lunch. You told me to make my lunch.”
“Yes, but you know you also have to have breakfast.”
“I didn’t have time. I’m hungry. Can you lend me $2 and I will buy something at the milkbar.”
“I’ll buy you Weetbix in a drink when we get to the milkbar.”
“No, that will be disgusting.”
“You need to be a politician.“
“They talk a lot without saying anything.“
“Very funny, Mummy.”
Finally we get the car and head to school.
“I’m hungry, can I eat my lunch now?”
“No, you may not eat your lunch now.”
Etc etc etc until we get to the milkbar.
I buy her Breakfast on the Go, i.e. Weetbix in a drink.
She’s not sure it is OK, but drinks most of it, leaving me a bit. That night, when I get home, she asks, “Where is the rest of my drink? That was delicious, I’m going to buy one every day!”
“No, you are not going to buy one every day.”
“OK, can I buy one once a week?”
Etc etc etc until bedtime. No, I tell a lie. She was reasonably quiet during X-Factor, but she cried when Angel was the one to go home.
Parenting 101 – How to survive ceaseless chatter. Industrial earplugs!