Brown Cupcakes are OK, but not Brown People?
Brown Cupcakes through shop window
I initially drafted this article as “A little bit of Bigotry, just disconcerting”. Then I noticed these cupcakes in a shop window and wondered why are brown cupcakes OK, but not brown people – to some people?
Last night I rushed to the hairdresser with our youngest for a trim. Let me say straight up our hairdresser and her staff are LOVELY! I also want to stress these situations are VERY rare. But it happens. This incident involved a client.
I got this “look” from a woman, sitting in foils, of utter disgust. It was quite disconcerting. I hope Miss O 2 didn’t notice: I think she was too into staring at her reflection in the mirror to notice.
Usually, I don’t notice this stuff. After all, I’m white, I just have no bigotry radar unless it is fairly blatant. So for me to notice, you can rest assured it was obvious on her part.
Why? Who knows. Granted, here was a person (my daughter) of a complexion not often seen in this hairdresser, but she is a beautiful 10 year-old child. I can only assume the disgust was directed at me.
The look seemed to say, “How dare you bring a non-white into MY salon?” Unbeknownst to that person, I’ve been going to the same hairdresser for nearly 20 years, so I can lay equal claim! 
Maybe it was more “OMG, you had sex with one of THEM!” I don’t know exactly what she was thinking, but it wasn’t a good thought, whatever it was! Perhaps it was more along the lines of designating me “white trash”! Private boarding school, degree, two professional designations – if only she knew. Then again, there is the small matter of my father’s illegitimacy (a terrible social stigma in the 1920s)……….
A couple of acquaintances had some advice. One, whose children are also “permanently tanned” (I quote), asks such people if they have something on their teeth. She says those so concerned about appearance hate to think they may not be perfect.
Another sent me a picture of the saying below.
Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.
Very true!
The mother of the permanently tanned children has also been asked if she was her children’s nanny! I did laugh at that as it was such a flip of the typical stereotyping. Reminded me of when I corrected the kids at the pool and then walked back to the gym and people asked their Dad if everything was OK. Clearly I was assumed to be a nasty interfering white woman, not the mother, on that occasion. So the flip side happens as well!
All we can do is roll with the punches. The situations are rare for me personally, although Mr O finds it horrible when shop assistants make him put money on the counter rather than risk touching his skin by letting him hand them the money. I don’t blame him, I’d feel pretty horrible too if it happened to me. They never do that if I am with him, so I don’t have to witness such things.
We expect and have no issue with genuine curiosity. After all, we aren’t typical of the local demographic!
So the cupcakes are OK? So are the people!
Butterfly Princess with Balloon Crown
Related:
Racial vilification? What do you think? (teamoyeniyi.com)
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- Colour blindness, bigotry, parenting, Thabo and me | Love versus Goliath : A Partner Visa Journey
- Bigots or concerned citizens or a bit of both? | Love versus Goliath : A Partner Visa Journey
- Mob’s Racist Abuse against a young singing tourist | Love versus Goliath : A Partner Visa Journey
- We are the world | Love versus Goliath : A Partner Visa Journey
People are always initially afraid of what they do not know.. it used to be a survival instinct which was necessary a few hundred (thousand ) years ago… I expect your old lady was taught to hate and hasn’t relearned how to love.. isn’t that sad for her too…
Yes, it is Helen. I agree about the survival instinct, very true.
1. Is that your daughter? If so, I would stare too…her skin looks like velvet! It’s glorious!
2. I live in an area where there is STILL a stigma surrounding interracial marriage where the woman is white…it is perplexing that it should be OK for a white man to “take a coloured bride” (as I heard it described once) but if a white woman marries a man of any other parentage than white then holy shit!
3. We have a Nigerian family living a few street over & my kids are fascinated by them. They ask me all sorts of questions (they’re 2 & 4) so one day I stopped them & asked if it was OK for my children to ask about their beautiful clothing & wonderful skin colour…I now have new friends! I love that my children can be directly exposed to & influenced by people from such different cultures & have the opportunity to see first hand that being different really is only skin deep!
Thank you SB. It is interesting that it is OK for a man to take a “coloured” bride, but not considered OK in the reverse. I had never thought of that or realised there was more of a stigma in one direction. Very interesting!
Great news about your new friends!
A friend of mine was married to an African man for several years. She was very happy with him, he treated her kids like they were his own (around these parts, many men would refuse to marry a single mom), they all got along great – and her parents refused to speak to her for the entire duration of their marriage (their divorce had nothing to do with race).
Cupcakes of any color rock, by the way!
I am sorry they got divorced. Divorce is so common these days (and yes, I’ve been there, done that). The older I get though, the more I so think we take marriage too lightly sometimes.
What a pity about her parents! Such a shocking thing!
At least they’re still friends.
A shocking thing about her parents, yes. It was some time ago, and such a marriage was a very rare thing back then – it’s hard to marry an African person if there are barely any around. These days parents are still shocked if their son or daughter marries a non-white person, but people are slowly getting used to it. Sometimes I see a white grandma (at least I think she’s the grandma, she acts that way and is clearly too old to be the mom) and a small brown grandson in the local supermarket, and nobody acts as if it’s something out of the ordinary.
We had people smile at us today (trip to the dentist) and I was struck by how different I felt receiving a smile!
I am glad no-one acts differently to the grandma!
Reblogged this on you said it….
Maybe she just didn’t like your shoes?
Miss O 2 is gorgeous.
Yes, Miss O 2 is a stunning young lady!
Yes! I meant your OLD shoes.
Bigotry is alive and well in our world… until we name it and stand up to it, things will continue in the same vein. Like you, I don’t ignore such behavior and have called people out on their racist behavior… It’s a different story on the internet as people can hide behind all kinds of lies and excuses… Peace to all and TY for standing up for your loved ones.
Thank you for your support. I agree, we have to highlight these things, else they get swept under the carpet.
great post! i like all kinds of cupcakes and all kinds of people
your daughter is beautiful!
Thank you so much!
I can relate to your pool experience. I am half white and half pacific islander (my US Census choices used to be white and “other”) but I look white. Often people wouldn’t realize that my “permanently tanned” mother was my Mom. When I got my first apartment, Mom brought over a few things while I wasn’t home. One of my new neighbors tried to hire her because they assumed she was my cleaning lady. When I was younger, we’d call about an apartment for rent and when we arrived, it was suddenly taken. It didn’t take long to figure out why.
What is also true- my Mom is the most lovely, gracious and resilient person I have ever met. She treats everyone with respect. That’s the standard she taught to expect and expected me to follow. Plus I was sure that she was ALWAYS proud of me, even if my cupcake was lighter than hers. I think your beautiful daughter is lucky to have a Mom that is clearly proud of her as well.
Hi Gina and welcome.
I was worried when we house hunting, as I felt the old land lady had increased the rent to encourage us to move. Luckily, we had no problems at all, which is a great balancing fact to this article really.
We like our cupcakes!
There will always be ignorant people around. All you can do is provide those kids with all the love you can, and raise them to respect everyone regardless to colour, religion etc. I also say, that you should make sure they are educated to know who they are and their own culture too, because as you get older, you always want to be sure you know who you are and where you came from, so to speak. I come from a very mixed racial, cultural, large family and everyone has their own religious beliefs and ideas of life.
Ignorant people don’t even seem to realise where a majority of their food comes from, the clothes on their back. Everything didn’t just string up from their own country. If they were to sit and think for a moment and took the right stance, they would hardly exist without the help of other countries. Now I’m on a roll, rambling, so I better stop……..Oh, she looks absolutely beautiful.
Thanks, Rum. Miss O 2 is a stunning young lady, how anyone could …… But never mind, it was only one cranky old lady!
You are so right. We need a much more global approach to everything.
No man is an island…..
Little MissO is lovely and as she matures she will become a beauty just like her sister. Perhaps that woman was so plain that she was threatened by MissO’s budding beauty. Perhaps she was so caught up in judging that she assumed she was above been judged herself – Ha!
Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.
Thank you TT. I do not let such situations worry me, but I worry for the children, as they are not used to being considered different.
Yes, the judge saying is good, isn’t it?
I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I think when it happens in the opposite direction that it is generally not noticed. Afterall, we are all just people. We all have the same working parts, breath air, and live a life. Many people need to get over themselves and that is a fact.
Beautiful post!
Thank you. Sometimes we just have to share what happens. Small things mount up over time.
I always thought that in Australia with the multicultural society, it would be run of the mill to find couples of mixed colour quite normal, so why the stares?
Sami, it IS normal to see mixed hues and such events ARE rare. Let’s say just not rare enough. I know others get worse reactions.
Then again, I guess if you add up our experiences and the other mother I quoted above, perhaps not so rare after all. This would only be my second “strange” experience in 16 months though.
Being disabled for the last 40years I am still not immune to the ignorant looks that many of the public gives at times. I shut my mind but I don’t know how my husband feels, I wonder but.. I only get concerned about it when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my disability.
Yes, Bev, I believe disabled people do get some of the same sort of stares and looks. It is all about being different, nothing more, nothing less.
As I said, most of the time I don’t notice. I wasn’t overwhelmed, but I did notice!
OMG I’ve heard in the past that there was racism in Australia and consequently decided back then that I didn’t want to go there, but I assumed that it was all ancient history. This is the sort of thing I experienced as a child 50 years ago, despicable.
There is bigotry all over the world, Gilly.
This is probably the second incident in 16 months, so really not too bad!
Not something we deal with every day, but worth highlighting, simply to rsise awareness.
We aren’t perfect yet!
There is racism everywhere but if you let it stop you from doing something you want to do (like travel) then it is only you who loses out in the end!
I live in an area where there is definite racism but there is a LOT of government housing here (related directly to the prison I think) but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a lot of normal non-douche bags too!
Never let anything stop us from doing anything!
Life is too short and hopefully we can educate as we go!
People never cease to amaze me…seriously. I hope you looked at the cow in the hair salon and gave her a sly and knowing smile. Bitch. So how did the haircut turn out anyway?
Haircut was as fine as can be! She likes it short to minimise the care required, but worries people will think she is a boy. Mind you she is growing rapidly and is not as flat-chested as she once was, so being called a boy is not likely these days!
I totally lived THAT…and I didn’t get boobs, til I was about 40
I don’t think she is going to have to wait that long!!
Oh Redneckprincess how I envy thee! I had breasts & a period by age 8…it sucked!
WOW!
Hey Team O, Brown people are the bombf! The darker the skin – the cooler you are. Tis true… and this is coming from a white person – inverse racism.
I know mine are cool!
Luckily this sort of thing is a very rare event, but I publish to hopefully make people aware. Maybe next time some people may think twice before giving death stares in hair salons!