Writing and Reflecting
As I am writing our book, I am working through older articles on this site. It is my record of the emotional trauma. Emails and correspondence give me the facts of what happened when, but this site gives me the “how were we feeling” aspect.
Yesterday, as I wrote, I reviewed the article “Difficult Day“. My second paragraph reads:
Of all weeks for this to happen, we did not need it to be THIS week when we are stressed enough waiting for the decision.
I don’t know what “this” was! Was it just the fact we had spent a week’s worth of phone call funds in a day? I don’t for the life of me remember and my writing isn’t clear enough for me to work it out! I THINK it was just the phone calls and SMS messages I was worried abut at the time, for evey cent counted. Yet it might have been something more that I couldn’t write about at the time for security reasons. I will have to fire up my old mobile phone and check the text messages from those dark days to see if I can get to the bottom of it.
The fact I don’t know, now, for sure exactly what I was referring to then is a clear indication of just how stressed I was during the month of November 2010. I sat and looked at that short article for ages.
Thank goodness those days are over!
You’ve given yourself a huge task putting this all together in a book – I hope you achieve your target. You will provide a beacon for others who find themselves in similar difficulties. Good Hunting
It is coming together Martin. Not as fast as I would like, but I am getting there.
I am glad I’m not the only one who writes something, then looks back and thik “what did that mean”. that said, the stress levels in your life at the time must have been off the rictor scale!
Stress levels were through the roof. I realise that more and more as I read old articles and old emails. Nothing like the daily fear of becoming a widow to cause stress.
I agree with nrhatch – the important parts won’t let themselves be forgotten…
So true Jo. I do find it difficult to write about the bits of me curled up on the kitchen floor in tears though. I’m adding those in when I get to draft 2 – this first draft is get the facts and timeline sorted, really.
Glad I’m all caught up on your posts. WooHoo!
WOO HOO indeed!!
Thank you so much for your support!
Thanks goodness they are over… Good thing you recorded it too.
Yes, I knew at the time this would be a bit like having a baby – we forget the labour after it is all over!
In this case, knowing I wanted to raise the profile of the issues, I needed to record it, however crazy it sounded back when it was happening!
Don’t stress about reclaiming ALL the pieces of the puzzle. Talk about what you do remember and see where it leads.
My guess: things you don’t remember are not necessary to the central line of the story.
enjoy!
You are right, of course, Nancy – it was just that particular article, short as it was, struck me. What had been the trigger of all the phone calls and text messages? Now it is more a curiosity that I want to know what it something specific that happened that particular day?
All the pieces of the puzzle will never make the book – otherwise it would read like War and Peace! Not that there is anything wrong with War and Peace!
There were so many “this” days and weeks, it’s understandable why you can’t remember. Yes, thank goodness those days are over.
Tell me about it! It was amazing as I read back over how many times we were told a decision was coming and the number of times it didn’t appear. No wonder I was going out of my mind. How I ever held on, I don’t know. I do know – love of and for my family, my friends and family here – all of you who supported us, our legal team and medical professionals. I certainly did not do it alone!