Being an Atheist in a Muslim home during Ramadan
A lighthearted look at being an atheist in a Muslim home, not just during Ramadan. We are really a very mixed lot: I am an atheist (I was baptised an Anglican), my husband and our Nigerian children are Muslims, my Australian daughter (baptised a Maronite) and her husband are Wiccan, our first lawyer was Jewish. It is the way it is in Australia – our small slice of it, anyway!
Ramadan is a very special time in the Islamic calendar, as are Christmas and Easter to Christians.
Ramadan is a special time of year — a time when Muslims around the world take a step back from their daily routines and focus on community, charity, fasting, and prayer. Ibn Abbas described that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the most generous of people, and even more so during the month of Ramadan. Here are some ideas of what you can do this month to help those around you. http://islam.about.com/library/products/aabybhelping.htm
I think Christmas and Easter are also supposed to focus on community, charity and prayer, if not fasting. Both Christian celebrations seem to be more commercial than anything else these days!
Like Christmas, Ramadan is a joyous time and after the fasting during the day there is much partying and visiting of family and friends and eating in the evenings. Giving to and caring for those less fortunate is very important.
I am the only one in the house who doesn’t pray several times a day. The girls had commandeered some sarongs of mine as head scarves for prayer time, without realising what they really are. I thought perhaps I should point out to them how sarongs are REALLY worn! “Oh no”, cried Miss O 1, “I could never wear it like that”! Oh yes you will when it gets hot in summer! How hot, she asked? Well, imagine opening the front door and finding it is like breathing air straight from the oven.
This morning Mr O jokingly said to me, as I savoured the aroma of my morning coffee, ”You can’t even fast for one day, can you”? I looked at him askance and raised one eyebrow. “Darling, I respect your right to follow a religion”. I didn’t mention that I had spent quite a lot of time fasting before they arrived, out of financial necessity! I’ve done my time, for this year at least.
Shortly after the family arrived, the boys asked me, “Mum, don’t you go to church”? I wasn’t about to lie, so I told them I do not believe in gods. They were shocked! “But everything comes from God”, they exclaimed, giving me all the reasons they could think of why I must believe in God. I explained gently that is a personal choice to believe. They have accepted that their Mum is a little strange (from their perspective).
There is the ablution ritual before praying. Now, that means five people washing six times a day, not including normal showers. This kinda raises the water bill. Example prayer times are:
Melbourne Prayer times - August 2011
That 7pm one always seems to clash with dinner, so we have to schedule carefully.
The one big personal impact on me is………… NO BACON! Like JM Randolph’s #5, I am rather partial to bacon, ham and roast pork. At least – I was. Out of respect for my family’s religion, I only eat these when out now.
I keep forgetting by the time I get up in the morning the fast has started. Fasting also means no kissing and I forget and go to kiss Mr O goodbye as I leave! I think I’ll remember tomorrow!
The other day I was a little grumpy and Mr O asked me what was wrong. It was just one of those times you want “time out” to calm your feelings. I think it might have been the day I had the car accident, I’m not sure now. Mr O said later that praying is a great way to keep calm. I pointed out that my “time out” was effectively the same thing, I just wasn’t praying when I did it. He understood then, whereas I think before we talked about it, he had taken my grumpiness personally. Had I prayed as a “time out”, to him that would not have seemed personal. So we work it out as we go! 
Different countries have different predominant religions. Fitting in different religious practices can be interesting. I am sure that in Qatar fasting all day is catered for in ways it is not catered for here. In Qatar, there were prayer rooms in public places, like the shopping centres, but here there are not. Mainstream schools here, depending on the surrounding demographic, do not have prayer rooms: Brunswick High School does, ours does not.
I remember being very worried about Mr O when he was here in 2010, playing soccer for a local team while fasting, in 40+ C heat. To us, to not drink any water during summer when playing sport or working outdoors is very dangerous. He seemed to cope, but it didn’t stop me worrying! I had visions of rushing a dehydrated man to outpatients and bringing him home on a saline drip!
One thing many people do not realise is that Islam, like Christianity and other religions, varies around the world. Not all regions observe in the same way. As I am an atheist, I do not claim to know terribly much about any religion from a technical perspective, so I’m not going into any academic detail: I just know enough to know various regions are different!
We adapt, we talk, we discuss, we compromise. Some time ago LifeWith4Cats commented “You are very brave to marry a Muslim” on We do have some differences. I understood where her feeling came from. No bravery needed, just love for each other.
Related Articles:
Why am I an atheist? - The Cloyne Report hasn’t changed my thoughts any!
Christians, Jews, Muslims - Quizzically Musing (which is also me with a different voice)
An Apology for Apologetics - Walking Away
But Surely Atheists Can’t Have Morals - About A Gringa
Wow, this says a lot about the cohesiveness of your family. I like the part about you already fasting! That was a good response. I’ve been to Israel and Jordan and despite what the media displays and reports, the people (the everyday, ordinary people) just want to live in peace.
Sounds like your family could give a lesson or two on peace – you are a living example!
Thank you Beth. I agree, the vast majority just want a peaceful life with their loved ones. Certainly all we want.
I have such an attraction to Islam, the Q’uran is so beautiful. I have tried learning Arabic but my memory is not good enough any more. The Muslims I know are a shining example of their faith.
Has your family been able to link up with other Muslims where you are? From what I have observed, community and connection is very important for Muslims.
Thank you Hakea, for your kind words! My family are shining examples of their faith. My husband’s faith very much about peace and love. Very family oriented.
They haven’t yet, as they’ve only been here three months and getting schools and everything organised has been a mission in itself. Hopefully things will settle down a little from now on and we can branch out a bit. Money is also rather tight after “the battle” (it was expensive), so we are in a little bit of recovery mode at the moment on that front.
At least you are working your way around the differences and respecting each others preferences…. not always easy to do… Good for you.
Checking back in to catch up after a lull on the comments front but hectic on the home front.
You are always welcome, Elizabeth, no matter how long the absense!
I’ve been lapse (again) with my reading too. Miss O 1 and Mr O have both had job interviews and of course I am still the family taxi until Mr O gets that licence!
I really respect anyone able to fast for such an extended period of time. I don’t think I’d be able to.
I think it is pretty amazing too, actually. Yet when we think about all those in the world who are forced to fast because they have no food or water………………… we should consider ourselves very lucky.
I didn’t realise that fasting meant no water as well as food. And stopping to pray 6 times a day – Even if I had the desire I don’t think I could stick to that! It’s great that you are not letting these differences cause you guys any problems or awkwardness. Now, (as a veggie I shouldn’t say this, but…) go out and grab yourself a bacon butty!
I didn’t realise it was no water either. It is actually nothing must pass the lips. I have done a little reading, to give me an insight into the reasons. Among other things, fasting is meant to remind the faster to think of those less fortunate, those who do not have food to eat or water to drink, for example. From that respect it is not a bad idea. Christianity also has fasting, just not many in the western world observe it.
I absolutely love the last line – “No bravery needed, just love for each other.” That is something we all need to keep reminding ourselves. Wishes for Ramadan to your family.
Thanks, Sayali. Yes, if one family can do it, so can the world!
Hi Robyn, add an interested and respectful Church of Christ parson to your eclectic circle of readers. It is evident that everyone is comfortable and relaxed enough in their space to engage in good natured banter and hospitable acceptance of one another. Conflict often arises out of trying to protect a position where one feels insecure. The O family saga demonstrates the strength of love against overwhelming odds – something that I think all our stances aspire to. Admiration from here and happy Ramadan to your loved ones!
Thank you very much for your kind words!
Wow I did not realise your family were Muslims. You are really lucky to be able to sit down with them and discuss their religion and understand the differences. I have been both fascinated and horrified at the same time by the extremes their religion imposes, especially on women. I read a book “a 1000 splendid suns”It was about the story of a Muslim woman in Afghanistan.It truly shocked me and at times whilst reading the book I cried.
As a Christian I would love to sit down with a group of Muslim woman as I have so many questions I would like to ask. I used to be a Catholic, but found the religion to be too hypocritical; now I just treat others as I would like to be treated myself. I believe there is a God but also that God only helps those who helps themselves. Praying achieves nothing and actions speak louder than words.
You may be an Atheist but you are a good person – in fact a million miles better then most “Christians” I’ve met. If you’d have sat down and prayed you would not have moved mountains to acheive what you did for your family.
OK I am rambling here…
Hugs to your family
PiP
Thanks Pip! Most religions have extremes, if not right now at some time in the past. Remember Salem, for example? The Spanish Inquisition?
From what I understand, my family are much closer to the teachings, for example women are supposed to be educated, they are supposed to learn to swim. Like anything, it is often the intervention and interpretation of things by later generations that results in forms that diverge from the original.
Thank you also for the personal compliements. I am just me, I don’t see myself as anything special, but kind words are always welcome.