Avoiding your spouse?
Perhaps he forgot your birthday, perhaps she complained about your snoring. He dropped the wet towels on the floor again. Damn it, she shaved her legs with your razor AGAIN! Whatever. I’ve been there in the past and I know as I write this, there are many of you feeling less that amorous towards your spouse right now. Is that perhaps why you are on the computer? These days that seems to be a great avoidance mechanism!
Stop. Close your eyes (after you read this – if you close them now you won’t be able to read). Imagine if your spouse were not there. Not just tonight. Last night, tomorrow night, the next night and the next. For a period as yet unknown. How does that thought sit with you? Do you feel relieved? Some of you might, I know: not every relationship will last forever. Or do you feel a sudden sense of loss? Think about the things you like about your spouse. The twinkle in their eyes, the sound of their voice when they whisper “good morning”. The laughter between you when you watch a comedy you both enjoy. What if all those things were taken away? Would you be missing those special things?
Think of the never-ending silence. You’d come home to an empty house. Every day. That might be a lovely holiday for the first few days: what about in eight months time?
I’ve spoken before about enforced celibacy. Trust me, it is not such a pleasant experience. If you are a guy, I suppose you may be of the belief you can “pick up” any time. You still look 18, right? Hmmmmmm – maybe not! I’m not sure what other women think: I know a co-worker once stated she’d be happy if you never had to have sex again. I can’t get into that mindset at all. So I’m not even going to hazard a guess. But you know how you feel and that is what counts.
Life throws us curve balls, shifts the goal posts, rips up the “level” playing field. The one constant we have in life is our spouse. Yes? No. The one constant we can CHOOSE to have in our life is our spouse. When we choose to avoid our spouse, maybe we are making a bigger choice – a choice we are not even aware of or really want. The choice to drive that person away.
My spouse and I are forced to be apart. It is horrible. Lonely. Alone. Heartbreaking. Is that want you want to risk? Really? A new razor blade costs little. A wet towel can be scooped up in passing. A relationship is such a valuable thing.
You don’t even need to say anything. Just wrap your arms around your loved one. Appreciate every moment you have with them, for every moment is precious. Moments lost can never be recovered. I know – we’ve lost eleven months. Maybe those months mean more because we are not so young but I think I’d feel the same if I were 20 years younger.
Before you decide to sleep on the couch tonight or slam the door to the spare room, close your eyes and imagine……..
Oh, don’t mind me – I’m just in a philosophical mood.
I did find a similar topic of on “Dating and Mating in America“, which you might also enjoy’
Thanks for dropping by my blog …..and the reply back ..
Cheers Ian
You are welcome! Thank you for dropping by! Your grandkids are adorable!
Excellent post. It makes you stop and think! Mr Piglet was very surprised as I’ve just gone and hugged him. Even more surprised as he has been moaning at me for the last 2hrs to do the washing up! Washing up still sits there as I am reading everyones blog posts tonight and sitting here supping a glass of wine as I do so.
My friend’s husband has just died suddenly…we should hug more
Yes, we should hug more. We are a tactile species, physical contact is so important. He he he – washing up never killed anyone! It can wait.
thank you for clicking the like button i think you are the first person to do that , harry
I do like the “Like” button – sometimes I don’t really have anything to say thn can contribute, but it is nice to leave the thought that the visit was enjoyable!
What a great piece of work this blog was ……still be sleeping on the couch though she really did get on my nerves today …
Ian
All I can ask is that you reconsider!
Hi was indeed a lovely blog…..and i was joking …..love your blog
Ian
I knew you were – LOL! I’d stopped by your blog so I knew your style. Hope the couch wasn’t too cruel to your back!
This is a great positive message. Marriages are so important to me. It greives me to see this world trend, that every one wants to find the perfect mate but no-one wants to make the commitment required. because a marraige and a mate are both like little babies, you have to nurture them and train them and see them through good and bad no matter what.
even as I write this I am guilty of doing the things you mention in your post. Ive had a bad few days. But in the end… marrige is precious and its worth its effort. (even when things dont turn out as I wish)
Thank you Sara. I agree – marriage is work, even without the complications we have. Nurture is a very good word for it.
Thank you for that reminder. I would miss my husband terribly, no matter how much he gets on my nerves sometimes.
*Smile* – I don’t see mine often enough for him to get on my nerves yet – it will be interesting to see if that ever actually happens – I am sure it will, that is just life!
Thank you for shaking me out of MY own little world. You fight a mighty battle sister! Your helplessness with beaurocracy is a reminder for me to not feel as helpless and out-0f-control over my circumstances as I oft feel…
We all face different battles in life. Admittedly this one is rather a doozy, but with help and support we are getting there. I just hope I can ultimately bring about some change or at the very least some awareness so others do not suffer the same fate! Thank you for your support! You can always send me a “Wild Bill” to while away the time!
That’s a moving post. Specially hard to read for someone who’s alone. And believe me, one doesn’t get a divorce(specially in India) without giving it a good deal of thought.
I am sorry you are alone too. It isn’t easy. I hate been apart from my husband. Every day is a battle. Perhaps people think really hard in India before getting a divorce, but I do think in some countries it is too easy and we “give up” too easily. Once it is done, it is done. When my husband’s visa was first denied, I said to DIAC “So you are saying I either get a divorce or leave my country?”. She said, “Oh, no, we are not saying that. You can appeal.” As if THAT made it all OK somehow!
You’ve written a very nice piece. Thought provoking.
http://idontknowaboutyoubut.wordpress.com
Thank you. Not nearly as entertaining as yours – although you scared me from cleaning my couch!
The grass only seems greener, that’s for sure.
And you’re right about our moods jiving today …
As a friend used to say to me “Where you go, there you are”.